Pain and Suffering Does Not Have To Be A Way Of Life (Real Change is Possible)

Today I got a call from someone in my life letting me know that they would be needing some “space” right now. Apparently, I will not be seeing them for awhile.

See this person is under going “therapy” and it could be that this request for space  is a part of therapy. That is all good. It also reminds me when I did “therapy” for a year or more and spent thousands of dollars.

Amee says… I went through phases where I went to a therapist to work out issues too.  I found each time, no matter if it was a private counsellor, a health worker, a doctor/psychologist/psychiatrist, a fitness guru, Jenny Craig, Mental Health – whoever – the same thing happened.  I spent so much time agonizing over the past and how I felt perpetually (as a result of fixating on what was wrong) that I never got out of overanalyzing mode.  And I would reach my “Enough! Threshold” because I came home always feeling worse than when I first went to the appointments.  I figured that I could just call my mom and whine and come away feeling miserable too, as what always happened.  And it wasn’t until I fired the therapists too and took responsibility for my own life and feelings – that I moved forward.  And one of the ways I started these processes was to take time to myself, without outside influences and opinions or other distractions, to make my self care my personal priority.  It took months and eventually I decided to not even re-engage with the people I left behind.  It just didn’t support getting better to go back to the cliff of despair and look down into the valley.

It was a painful process. It was one of the darkest periods of my life. I was in my early 30’s and struggling. The question I am pondering right now is “Did the therapy help or hinder?”

Amee says… It hindered me.  I was trying to get better the way the therapists told me too.  It didn’t work.  I needed to come up with my own way of healing and tap into my     ME-How.  Nobody can take care of you like you can because nobody knows you like you do.

Without a doubt it felt heavy and a hinderance. The therapist seemed to ask good questions, there was just one problem. I didn’t feel better, in fact, I felt worse with every session.

I get that this is my life and I am responsible for what goes on “between my ears” and the choices I make.

The brutal truth is I did not start to feel better until I fired my therapist. Looking back I quit in anger but in the ensuing process I took back ownership of my life.

Taking ownership of my life was the beginning of real change. A shift in momentum occurred and I now see it was a turning point.

Amee says… It wasn’t until I fired Jenny Craig (2 times) that I lost weight.  I had to listen to my body and stop fixating on the messages I got from the weight-loss ladies – that you need to eat crappy food with the wrong nutrients, starve yourself, constantly fixate on weight and body image.  They didn’t care about the fact that I went to them because I had cholesterol problems.  (Which by the way got worse on their program).  I stopped thinking about what I didn’t want (to get fatter and that I was ugly and unloveable because I wasn’t measuring up to my mom’s expectations and opinions.  I thought the world revolved around her mindset and in the worlds eyes “I wasn’t enough and they scoffed at people who were fat” thus unloveable.

It was a turning point because I had reached my “enough threshold”. I was sick and tired of being sad, miserable and angry. It was time to get on with living life and placing my energy, my attention upon the wheel of my life.

Amee says… when I hit my bullshit threshold – I wasn’t interested in eating the manure they were feeding me on a golden spoon.  In therapy, I felt like a potatoe in a pumpkin patch and it just didn’t serve my higher good to be talking about my problems, because I never got into the release and embrace life phase.  I was ready to move into my own “Me-How” and leave behind the concepts and principles that didn’t even apply to me as an individual.  They were so irrelevant it was crazy and incongruent with how I was.

The process of making that decision to take ownership of my life was years, likely decades in the making, it was excruciating. Yet it all shifted in that one defining moment when I reached my Enough! Threshold.

Amee’s says … Yes it took years of examining, but one day I realized I was sick physically and emotionally because I didn’t give myself permission to follow what made me happy.  When I decided that’s how I was going to start, and stop indulging in other peoples blame/shame/guilt projections and judgments – I was well on my way to recovery.

If you can identify with you have read and/or feel you are close to your “Enough! Threshold” take heart — real change is in your future. I am open to questions and can be available to talk with you.