Enough! (You Are) – A Love Story. Self-first not selfish.
“Am I enough?” is the question that comes to the forefront (at some point) on everyone’s mind. And now it has happened! We have become tired of not feeling “good enough” for other people and especially to ourselves. And one day something just happens, a light-bulb “Ah Hah!” realization in a series of life defining moments jumps out and hits you in the face. And then you empower yourself to change your thinking patterns and you say to yourself “Hey Me! – I know what makes ME happy and I’m going to run my life the way I want to.” After all you’re the only one who knows your emotional makeup.
You’re the only one who has lived with you throughout your whole life’s adventures and experiences. You are the only person who will live with you in the entirety of your future. Only you know what makes you happy. You are the one with your aspirations and dreams. You know what has been holding you back as a result of thinking you were not enough. You know that you have been selling yourself short. And eventually you get sick and tired of adopting somebody else’s standards for your life. When you think that you are not enough, this opens you up to being pray to anybody who wants to alter, change, or affect you. This holds true to whether it’s marketing, religious dogma or family projections, society ideals in the community, or interpersonal sub-standards in the workplace. They scratch that “not enough” wound. When you tell yourself that you are not enough, you are raking yourself over the coals of tyranny and abuse.
So begins the dawning of the dawn. Stand up and claim your birthright of being enough. Enough and more!
You are enough and you are not broken. Hallelujah!
How does believing that we are not good enough affect our love relationships? This is a ripple effect drama that plays out in a stream of confusion and wandering aimlessly in our inner-self love life. And that accordions out into our personal love-relationships.
My guess is that if you are reading this it is because you struggle with self image, self esteem and self care. And you are wondering “Am I good enough?”
That’s great news! Wait, how are these struggles “great news”? It means you are not asleep. In fact, you are aware and awake, which is the starting line of the transformation marathon. So pat yourself on the back, you actually have the framework to create a bonafide transformation. True, permanent change begins in the mind.
To the degree that you grow and develop as a person, so goes the growth and development of your mind.” In other words, if your inner peace is struggling because you think you are not good enough, it has developed into a personal growth and self love dilemma.
To the degree that we are growing, evolving and developing as a person so goes all our other relationships. There is a wealth of life within us to be available to share with others, but only if we can first nourish that wellness within.
Think of it this way. You cannot give acceptance, passion and compassion if it is not happening inside you. If it is not happening between your ears and in your heart you cannot give yourself authentically to another person. If you try, it will be inauthentic and incongruent. You will not feel good about how you are “showing up” and the other person will pick up on it. Because when we are incongruent and inauthentic it radiates out all around us.
On the other hand, when we are coming from an authentic and congruent place it also radiates out to every person we meet. You will appear to be happy and relaxed. These qualities of feeling congruent, relaxed, happy and authentic are very attractive qualities. Therefore your body language exudes a relaxed state and makes you more approachable to other people. You will feel better about yourself, happier and your face is going to show it, clap your hands! You will shine with a sunny disposition and people are naturally going to want to be around you because they will feel drawn to your presence. How about that?!
So what is the message? Work on yourself and getting to a place of personal congruency, authenticity and being comfortable in your own skin is your only focus. Then you will be naturally attractive and alluring. Your parter, lover will just magically appear one day and you might be more willing to explore, engage and discover this new consciousness and awareness. This is the ultimate form of self-care, to get comfortable in your own skin, heart and mind. Because it is the one thing that we are chasing our whole lives. It is the ultimate liberation from the tranny of people pleasing and the freedom to be our true self. So when you switch your focus to working on yourself, you remove all tension and drama and angst, and as a result you become radiant and attractive.
Remember, until you are at home with yourself and experience self acceptance, you will not experience self love. Without self love and acceptance you run the risk of becoming intertwined within a codependent relationship, because you’re not being true to yourself. With codependence, the sole source of our identity, value and worth is attributed to the other persons power and whims. We surrender our power to the person, unless that is what is so attractive to us – the other person being as caught up in being rescued as I am also entertaining. Because each person is so involved with trying to read the others mind and fortune tell as to what the next person’s move is going to be, and trying to minimize pain and tyranny that may be forthcoming. This is when the risk of misunderstandings, projections and judgements can grow exponentially.
The key is to remember that all projections and judgements are based on something from our past or some perceived fear of the future. Whereas, when I am mindful, when being in the present moment called now, there is no judgement, fear or projection. There aren’t any illusions or some movie script going on in my head that isn’t happening now. In the now, there is no need to blame, a simple acceptance of “what is”. The only reliable way I’ve been able to avoid projection and judgement is to adopt a mindfulness practice. I had to learn how to be the observer, the director of the movie called “my life” instead of being as Amee says … the poor player, strutting and fretting upon the stage of despair and hopelessness. We become changed and the sole source of our own well-being.
Society and the personal development industry attempts to sell us that “change is easy” that change happens instantly. The process of getting to that moment where change “instantly occurs” can be tricky, painful and take a lot longer than we want. We seem to think that change is as simple as changing our mind, and it is, sort of. In my experience, permanent change requires a deep transformation. Transformation at the level of our thinking, habits and our actions. Without these nothing will change.
There is no learning without change, there is no change without learning. Learning and change are the twins of personal development. You can have a high desire to learn but without an equal desire to change there will be no development, change or transformation. Therefore, the best thing you can do to transform your love life is to transform yourself.
You cannot become what you won’t let yourself experience.