Zap away resistance to healing and change. Enjoy a serene 2019
When we become aware of our resistance to change, we can then tackle it and get out of our own way. Then we can get into action and actually get what we desire.
One of the things that we observe in new clients is their resistance to change. Our intention is to help them see what the underlying causes are that create this resistance. Types of things that may be the culprit might be controlling beliefs that slap them down. We have noticed that some clients are in a people pleasing cycle due to harsh judgments of themselves. We seek to help people uncover the thoughts that are affecting their attitudes, core beliefs, and behaviors that keep them from getting what they want. And our hope is to help our clients address their inner critic and tap into where their resistance lies and what they can do to get it in check.
Here is an example of Yvonne’s story. Yvonne is a laboratory technician in the immunology department at the University of HER-how. The log books have been annoying her to no end. She finds that the procedures aren’t detailed enough so she works overtime trying to fix the entries. The staff find it too complex and work piles up because experiments take too long.
As well, Yvonne can’t seem to finish reports and get them in on time. She spends hours editing grammar and second guessing the results. She wants to appear as a credible and intelligent technologist. She is difficult to work with because she tries to control everything around her and the staff try to avoid her.
Not only is she analytical and controlling at work, most things seem to bother her. Driving home, her neighbors next door, her relationships, and home life. The house is too messy and the kids don’t keep the rules. Her husband doesn’t spend much time with her and works overtime. She is very obsessive about housework and a vitamin regimen for the kids. Even the kids teachers seem to be a hassle.
Yvonne obviously has control issues and she doesn’t realize that she’s actually in resistance by trying to control everything around her. She is in resistance to ever being wrong. She worries what everybody else thinks about her so she tries her best to be perfect so that people will look up to her. However, the more she tries, the harder life gets for her. She feels disconnected about her life and who she is. Yvonne’s husband Joe works long hours and is gone days at a time.When he comes home he is obsessed about cleaning and the children having to be little robots of perfection. He is never relaxed and he expects others to come to attention when he snaps the whip. And so Yvonne feels she has to be hyper vigilant about being the perfect mom and wife so that she doesn’t have to deal with her husbands tyranny. So most of the time, Yvonne is demanding, argumentative, and grouchy.
What’s happening with Yvonne is she is tired, sad, angry, and has migraines all the time. She feels down and doesn’t want to talk to anyone. She often takes sick days or making excuses not to go to work. Or she pretends she is sick at home when she can’t keep up with the housework. But that doesn’t work either because then Joe ignores her more and blames her for not being like him. He never takes a sick day so he has the same expectations of others.
So, Yvonne decided she was going to be self-employed and leave science. She hated the lab and no longer had the energy to keep up with her ideal work week. Yvonne felt her way of doing things was the “right” way and must be “just so” to avoid repercussions from all angles in her life. It seemed no matter how hard she tried to please people, nobody seemed to appreciate her. In fact she was being judged harshly by her husband because of his inferiority complex and his needs for others to be “wrong” so he could feel “right”. So there’s a power struggle within the relationship.
Yvonne was obsessed with the “what” and “how” and so she didn’t know why things were bugging her. She had this need to be in control and to be “Mom and wife of the Year”. After confronting the problem and examining it, Yvonne began to see why she wanted to be in control of everything. She discovered that she wanted to control everyone’s perception of her and so she was engaged in people pleasing. The underlying thought baggage in her subconscious was that she felt she wasn’t “Enough”. She thought she was at a disadvantage than everyone else because she wasn’t as smart or capable. And she didn’t make as much money as the other women in the neighborhood and that was a big factor of her worth to her husband. So she thought she’d have to work harder to make up for the deficit.
Discovering Core Beliefs
When getting down to the core of these beliefs, Yvonne discovered they originated from her childhood. She was always being compared to her sister and brother who seemed to be more gifted than her and got most of the attention. She was put down a lot and called names. When she stood up for herself and said “no”, then abuse followed. So she learned it wasn’t safe to say no and she carried this thought baggage into her adult relationships. She thought this type of treatment was normal and that she had no rights as a human being or woman. She felt “less than” from all angles. When her first marriage failed, Yvonne’s mom said it was because she wasn’t a good enough wife and that she’d better not screw up this second one.
Deep down, Yvonne felt she was “broken” from the first divorce and needed to be fixed by another man. And she remarried a second time into a relationship where her husband was very happy to micromanage her. She had to always have a smile on her face even when sad. She felt her emotions and feelings were unacceptable and she should hide them so she didn’t lose her husband and job. And she was in a perpetual state of tension and resistance to change, because she didn’t want to upset the boat or sabotage her own happiness. And she second guessed herself and wondered if she was too “stupid” to know she had a good thing and she ignored her intuition about her marriage and how abusive it was.
The fact was though, Yvonne wasn’t happy because her job, marriage and the effects on the kids was in upheaval. She figured out she only went into science to please everyone else and to prove she wasn’t dumb. When she awakened to that realization, she decided to quit science and start a business. So she hired a business coach to make it happen. But business is never a separate entity from life and in order to make progress in the business development, she had to address her resistances to change and healing. Her coach asked all the questions to get her to examine her dilemma and find the answers to what was holding her back. She learned the tools and skills to move through future challenges that came ahead in her life. And she began to research the type of business she wanted.
Where is the joy?
Yvonne could only remember being really joyful was when she was at Disneyland with the kids or planning parties of all sorts. She loved organizing fun events and using her imagination to have fun. Everyone seemed to enjoy her company when she let her hair down and she liked the feeling of not having to impress people, she just wanted to follow her own muse. And that made her feel good. So tapping into that and realizing how she felt about herself was based on others opinions and judgments and projections. When she became in touch with who she was, she realized what she wanted less of and what she wanted more of. Yvonne decided to follow her muse and what made her happy. She wanted to spend time doing what she felt passionate about.
Yvonne let go of her attachment to people pleasing and controlling others. She became happy with herself and accepting and stopped letting her husband walk over her. She opened a kids entertainment facility where she built an enchanted forest with animatronics like Disneyland. And her coach helped her through each step of the business development over the next 2 years. She was happier and her disposition was like a magnet to other people. Because Yvonne was passionate about her new life and work, her entertainment facility took off in directions she never thought were possible. The kids stopped calling her the “death Sargent”!!
Then, Yvonne took a hard look at her marriage and decided she had had “Enough” and was no longer going to allow him to hurt her in all aspects. Her self-acceptance, confidence and self-efficacy improved and she was able to honor herself and make the decisions in her best interests. Yvonne finally got a divorce and moved on with life.
From Enough! To Now What?
There were many challenges after that but with Yvonne’s new found self-esteem, skills and tools to manage problems, she was able to manage life after the divorce. She had to walk away from her business and possessions because of a difficult divorce, but her well-being was worth more to her than materialism or other peoples perceptions of what made her of any value. It was what mattered to Yvonne that counted and she wasn’t going to let anybody bring her down again. She started another business and with the big change in her life, she healed.
Then, one day (10 years later) she looked up her former coach to see if he had written any new books. She wanted to write a book of her own and was going to go into life coaching herself. So she called Greg and met him for coffee. They had both changed over the 10 years and found they were both so much the same in so many aspects. Sparks flew and they married soon after. Yvonne in fact legally changed her name from Yvonne Clarice Schlosser to Mrs. Amethyst Peony Dickson. And they amalgamated Amee‘s 20 years background (life coaching other people through crises) and Greg’s 30 yr business coaching background to create the Life Origami training enhanced coaching program. Yvonne was in fact me and my past business coach was Greg. And that’s our story. You can read more about it in the About Us section on our website.
So lets take a look at what happened to Amee and how she moved through her resistance to going after what she really wanted. She only began to heal and make changes after she looked at the underlying root of why she felt bad and hated work in science, and her family life wasn’t great. Her old patterns buried deep into her subconscious was that she wasn’t “Enough” and she was “Broken” and needed to be fixed.
The first step she noticed was how everything bugged her and she wondered why she was always anxious, sick and depressed, and dissatisfied about her life. And then she noted that she was perpetually in this “ground hog day” of turbulence and tyranny. She couldn’t seem to heal and make the decisions to take care of herself. Then there was this big “Ah HAA” moment and she finally noticed her resistance to change.
Helicopter Perspective: Resistance To Change
Now in light of Amee’s story, lets take a look at the topic of resistance to change overall. The first step to uncovering our resistance to change is to address our “stinking thinking” so we can attack the problem head on. We may be open to trying new strategies to solve problems. And then this is the point that resistance strengthens or we notice and go “hmm – Now what?”
Resistance is a natural reaction within this first stage of learning about ourself. The internal dialogue begins and we tell ourselves stories that feed our inner critic. So we have then defeated our efforts to move forward and to try different strategies to heal. And then we just don’t want to do it. Our inner critic may have bought into the myths – that change is difficult and complex, and that relieving inner tension is never apparent.
Then resistance accumulates and becomes very strong. Feelings of sadness, anger, blaming, shame and guilt may surface. Believe it or not, this is a good reaction because the inner tension is the first step to healing. Why is that? When something is constantly nagging at you, there is this tension to fix the problem and reach point where you say “Enough! Is this all there is? What Now?”
These reactions show you that you have already entered the beginning of the learning curve of uncovering why you are resistant to change and what’s underlying it. There is this fog of attitudes and beliefs that are clouding our thinking. This requires courage to confront our thinking. We need to examine those thoughts as an observer, free of judgment and projections. As the tension dissipates, we can then release the lies that have tainted our self-acceptance and confidence to embrace moving towards our higher good. Transformation occurs as we enter the learning curve. Real movement is now possible to get what you want to experience.
When we learn and observe the dynamics of how our problems came about, we can accelerate through this learning curve. It requires being ready to change. We need to be willing to observe and pay attention to the feedback we get from our actions. And we need to be open to learn from our experiences, being infinitely flexible to adapt and change our approach to growing. Resistance has vanished when we have released the inner critic and we embrace the new you. Now we are ready for action and our action plan becomes clear and unfolds before our eyes. And it is possible to materialize our desires and dreams.
Living & Sharing What Amee Learned
With our program the Transformation Matrix, you can move into a Serene 2019. Often people make New Years Resolutions that never materialize long-term. The formula within the transformation matrix is a process to create lasting change. Why wait until a special date like New Years Day? You can begin with a clean slate at any time in your life. Your point of power is always in the “NOW” or present. You can choose to make the changes and curb resistance to healing at any time. At any moment in your life, it can be a turning point in your life.
The Transformation Matrix Event is available to clean up your resistance so you can have a Serene 2019, and beyond. You will learn how to uncover your underlying patterns and thinking, and how YOU learn and grow, by tapping into the wisdom accumulated over your lifetime of experiences. So when you learn how to confront, examine, release and embrace change and healing, you have the potential to make anything happen. You just need to learn how YOU learn and develop the skills and tools to overcome any difficulties that come at you in your future. The Life Origami Methods may be the last Program you will ever need because it is an Enrollment into your inner Guru. You will Tap into your inner wisdom that you didn’t know existed. And that is the key to healing. You can learn your own You-How at the YOUniversity of Life Origami.
Please feel free to ask any questions you may have. If we have peaked you curiosity, why not spend some time to invest in YOU. No pressure, just a genuine conversation is what we offer. We enjoy meeting people and we look forward to hearing from you. There is no vortex or funnel to channel you into anything. Let’s just do it the old fashioned way, give us a call at 403-307-8281 to talk with Greg and Amee. We are here anytime for you.